"We haven't considered making them a big offer because we believe that they are fans of Chelsea Football Club and want to do what's best for Chelsea Football Club and we've offered them a couple of things relating to their role as a fan." Bruce Buck, Chairman, Chelsea FC.
So concludes one of the most objectionable, offensive and idiotic quotes from a football businessman since...er...since probably Garry Cook tried to pin the cancer gag on the IT guy.
Nearly 20 years ago Chelsea were shit, playing in front of 20,000 South/South West Londoners. Today, visiting fans to a packed Stamford Bridge sing the simple song: "Where were you when you were shit?" Answer: anywhere but there.
Except for a minority. A minority were actually there when they were shit, and some organised themselves to buy the freehold to keep football in SW6. Nice little patch that for property developers, after all. You could imagine a hotel there, maybe some restaurants. Oh, hold on.
Since then, a lot of people have got rich at Chelsea. Players. Managers. Sacked managers. Peter Kenyon. Marco Pierre White. The hotel people. A bunch of other knobheads.
A lot of people have got poorer at Chelsea. The fans. Football is more expensive than it used to be, but the game is the same.
Football is big business as Buck, Richard Scudamore are keen to tell the FT and Asian-based sponsors. Fans become a customer database. The club becomes a vehicle to talk to a global market. Fans will stay in line of course, do what they're told, they'll be 'loyal.' Clubs beseech them to be 'true fans.'
Hypocrisy, insensitivity and ignorance knows no bounds in football. CPO: you're part of the business not the football. Tell Buck to do one and pay the market rate. You deserve recognition financially for the commercial value of your contribution.
I once wrote a small book on the nuances of global culture and their effects on communications campaign. It's "How To Create Global Talkability," and you're free to download here. This is from The Poke is equally as insightful - Europe, as viewed by Americans.
I have a pretty good job. I try to persuade people to drink more booze, eat more food and watch more telly. It gets demanding though, and at times of extreme stress my mind naturally wanders to what I'd rather be doing. David Gower's job as main anchor on Sky Sports, or the bloke that chooses the music for the goal montages on Football Focus are obvious first choices. More prosaic careers such as being a lorry driver pop up - probably the time and space you get I imagine. The process of travel has always been strangely alluring - perhaps flying a commercial airline might be an option.
I am not alone.
KidZania in Tokyo is a theme park which is targetted at 2-14 year olds. It shoudn't be for kids - I'm 36 and I want to go. Originally launched in Mexico, it's no surprise to see it a roaring success in Japan. It's a replica town where you can have a go at doing the job you fancy doing. You can get into uniform, fly a replica jet, work the post office, marshal the traffic - whatever needs to be done, you can do it.
After Disney's takeover of Marvel, and the certainty of another 100 years of character-based theme park-to-fast food tray juggernauts, it's nice to see that there's a place for simplicity. Nintendo always said that everyone likes playing games however old they are and they're right.
Knock down Chessington down the road from me, and stick one of these up.
In the next 24 hours, deforestation will release as much CO2 into the atmosphere as 8 million people flying from London to New York. On that basis, add your signature and ask influential people to do something about it.
Then, return to 4 Fuks Saké and we'll stick to lighter matters.
I started to write this blog 2/3 years ago as an outlet for aggression, after listening to anodyne powerpoints about the future of media. It's -1 outside in London, and I'm not hungover 22 floors up in Hong Kong - other than that, the status quo remains.
Still plenty of people who enjoy confusing clients and/or their bosses
by using as many digital terms and phrases as possible. It's even more
helpful if new apps launch regularly with stupid names.
Knowledge/confusion = power and paranoia = hopefully a few quid.
I've been working in essentially PR since '95 and my job's not changed. I persuade people to buy products by getting someone they respect to tell them they should. For those of us who have always been in PR we're not doing anything new - it's just our skills and techniques have had to be radically reinvented.
In 95 I wrote a press release, faxed it and tried to carve a story via a chat with a journalist. If I want to do my job properly in 2009, I have to master the fact that the customer now starts at Google, or heads into their community of mates. I need to press buttons on a keypad and persuade someonethey respect to post, write, share a link, re-tweet my 140 characters or whatever it takes, to get them to say exactly the same thing..."Have you seen this?"
Competitive advantage comes from ideas first and foremost, not which buttons to press. If you have something exciting, exhilarating, moving, engaging - then naturally, people will want to share your ideas with others. Good ideas precipitate conversations that start with the phrase "have you seen this?" Everything underneath (the old skool press release, the Facebook group, the widget, the Twitter feed), is just simple professionalism to share that idea.
Using the term 'digital' as if that in itself is creative, is holding us back. Take it as a given. Shove it in the bin, move on, and move people with ideas 2009 style.
Throughout Asia, an 'instant noodle meal solution,' is an efficient, tasty and wholesome snack. Here in the UK we have Pot Noodle. Our and AKQA's latest work for them, with more than just a nod to Guinness...