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4 Fuks Saké

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Goodnight and God bless.

Jordan Belfort

This is Jordan Belfort. Below are two paragraphs, copied directly from a feature in the Daily Telegraph.

"As a 31-year-old multimillionaire stockbroker, Belfort once landed his helicopter on his back lawn, flying with just one eye open because he was so stoned he had double vision. He sank his 167ft motor yacht, complete with seaplane and helicopter, after overruling the captain and taking it into a Mediterranean storm."

"A pioneer in promoting office bonding activities, Belfort thought it would improve morale if staff were encouraged to have sex with each other whenever they could, even under the desks. There were mid-afternoon "coffee breaks" with a troupe of hookers in the office car park. One office junior agreed to have her hair shaved off on the trading floor in return for $5,000 for a breast job."

There is much more of this here. And they'll be a book, and a film.

A truly remarkable man.

Who's Doing Mark Penn's Timesheets?

Open PR Week every week, and they're always there. Open necked shirt, just drunk a smoothie, and then a moan about "PR needing to take its deserved seat at the top table" because they're not there. 

Meanwhile in the real world, PR is deciding who will get the world's most powerful job. Mark Penn's got to be a busy bloke. We've all got meetings to go to, but being Chairman & CEO of Burson Marsteller can't see you at home for the opening titles of Eastenders too often. If you're also the man that's running Hillary Clinton's groaning White House campaign, then client status meetings are sure to be taking a back seat too. Strumpette gives an appraisal of how Penn's doing at his job-on-the-side, so I won't bother rehashing it and pretending its my own. My point is, the PR man is in charge.

Over a pint or driving a cab, your default one sentence verdict on the US election is of course,  that Obama is all mouth and no trousers - or "all hat and and no cattle" according to Hillary. (I assume Penn wrote that). Whether the Obama rhetoric is empty or rich, The Economist put together a convincing argument for allowing vapid PR people like ourselves to get the keys. Arguing that the Presidency is constitutionally weak, it said that  "the best presidents are like magnets below a piece of paper, invisibly aligning iron filings into a new pattern of their making. Anyone can get experts to produce policy papers. The trick is to forge consensus to get those policies enacted."

My job involves persuading people to consume the products I want them to, without them really knowing. The Economist says that the US President needs the same skill set. Those skills ought to be enough to get you a meeting with a senior brand manager.   

Global 'Talkability?'

Positive word of mouth sells products. Brands and products that are talked about, shared, recommended or loved, sell. Brands and products that are ignored, fail. Marketers doodle on pads in meetings, thinking, "how do I secure positive word of mouth, or 'talkability' for my brand?"

For global marketers, there's a bigger question. How do I create positive word of mouth and fame for my global brand across different cultures, in different languages, through different media contexts?

Is it possible to create global 'talkability' for a brand or idea?

If so, how is it done?

Want to know? Click on the link just below and read Creating Global 'Talkability'. It's written by me.

Download Global_Talkability.pdf

English Football 2008-2010

I think The Times described Fabio Capello as "a star fairy on a diseased Christmas tree." This is what will happen over the course of the next 2 years.

England lose to Croatia and fail to qualify for the European Championships. Everyone's pissed off. McClaren gets fired, but that's just one ingredient of the English game's problems agree most commentators. Barwick, Thompson - the FA 'administrators' - announce that there will be a 'root and branch' review of the game. The players return to their clubs.

Capello is straight out of the traps. He wants the job. The administrators get over-excited. There will be a week of blacked out limos, secret meetings, and ego boosting on their part - as they hang out with bigger football men than themselves.

Barwick pours the coffee in a box in a deserted Wembley Stadium, whilst the Italian pours compliment upon compliment upon the English game, the job, Barwick and his administrators. They shake hands on a deal and Barwick can barely contain his excitement that he's landed someone with credibility, and he hasn't been made to look like a prick again. The 'root and branch' review of the game slips a notch or two down Barwick's 'To Do' list. He'll look at it in January.

The next day, the press and the game's heavyweights are up for it too. They devote a page to their 'if anyone can do it, Fab can' puff pieces - sandwiched between two double page spreads, previewing Sky Sports' Grand Slam Super Sunday.

In February, Capello's first game in charge, England beat Belgium 4-0 in a friendly. Goals from Crouch, Lampard and two from Michael Owen confirm that England are back. England are installed as fourth favourites for the World Cup. That week the Premier League announce a new multi-million pound sponsorship deal with Chinese PC manufacturer Lenovo. Still no news on the 'root and branch' review of the game.

On the domestic scene, "one of the world's best midfielders," Steven Gerrard has added to his achievements in the game by winning another 2 FA Cups. Milan and Barcelona win the Champions League in '08 and '09 without a single English player in sight. In fact, there are no English players playing in Serie A or La Liga - not even a hint of a transfer rumour.

England qualify comfortably. The players arrive in South Africa. There are injury concerns over Owen and John Terry. Capello confirms that they are simply 'niggles' and both should be fit for England's opening game against the Ivory Coast in Durban. The word from the camp is that Owen's groin has been playing up again - he's been carrying it since February but his club didn't want him back on the operating table. John Terry's defensive partner at Chelsea, Micah Richards, has played 50 games during the season.

A goalless draw sees England through to the 2nd round, but they are up against a resurgent Dutch side.  Again, injuries are an issue. Terry's niggle has developed. He's out. Rooney is suspended after 2 yellows in the opening three games - brought about through needless, reckless challenges. The press question his ability to handle pressure and expectation at the highest level. Lampard has failed to impose himself on the tournament so far and has looked tired physically and mentally.

Marco Van Basten's side look energised, youthful and refreshed. A previously unheard of 19 year striker - Jans Sodderland from Ajax - shocks England. His hat-trick is billed as the 'hat-trick that shocked the world.' England are out, losing to the Dutch 3-1.

Capello honourably resigns. The FA promise a 'root and branch' review of the game. But they also realise they're a damn sight richer than they were 2 years ago. Jose Mourinho suggests to friends that he could be tempted to return to England....

"MySpace Is For Povo-es" says US academic

Trouble for MySpace. An academic has pointed out that the clever, rich kids are the ones migrating to Facebook, leaving MySpace to the future ranks of the US's blue collar workforce and street sweepers. Whilst Facebook is attracting smart, preppy, slick kids with a few $$$, MySpace is the home of the "geeks, freaks and queers." If Facebook is turning into the must-have site for anyone in a Ralph Lauren shirt and down (Prince William included), MySpace is sat in the rival corner in some form of curious, interesting social ghetto.

Danah Boyd, a PHD student in the US, has written a poignant blog essay based on 6 months research, which has been picked up here and here. Don't know if it's accurate or not but my gut says it is. And if it  is, this could be the make-or-break moment for MySpace and its marketing team.  If they've not got enough to worry about trying to make money out of the product without losing its 'authenticity,' now throw in this little brand issue.

When I was a kid, a guaranteed social death awaited anyone who walked through the school gates wearing a pair of low quality trainers. A pair of Buktas, Gola, Woolworth's own brand or football boots with rubber studs rather than the real screw-ins - any of those and you were walking straight in to the jaws of humiliation. Crossing cultural divides here...in Australia they'd call you a 'bogan or povo,' in the UK it would be 'gyppo,' (before your insulter was excluded).

But there's $$$ and a big opportunity for a brand in the povo-es corner of the school playground. When I got older I realised that actually the kids in the Woolworth's trainers were also listening to cool bands. They started listening to The Smiths, and then the Stone Roses and Happy Mondays and then Nirvana. And then I copied them. Actually it was quite cool to wear shit clothes - and I wanted to be one of them.

As the migration to Facebook continues - this could be fightback time for MySpace. But can the marketers create a new Nike Air or a run-of-the-mill Reebok Classic?

Hope For Wernham Hogg

If you're selling office supplies you are faced with two options. Spend your day planning your night out down Chaser's in Slough with Finchy, and wrestle with your personal insecurities. Or you could try something else.

I stumbled across the story of Staples and their Design Initiative programme on Influx. It's helped them post record sales in the first quarter of this year. Sales of Staples branded goods have boomed from 9% to 20% of total sales, with a target of 30% in mind. And they've done it with world class design, married with basic consumer insights. By sitting and watching people use their products, they've elevated design in this apparently low interest sector, and are now reaping the rewards.

People like to shred mail in the kitchens where they open their mail. So Staples designed the MailMate Shredder, a neat compact shredder that sits next to the toaster or kettle. They developed the One-Touch stapler that works its way through 20 sheets of paper in one touch. There is plenty more besides. Proof, if it was needed that big insights and big ideas, aren't just fluffy creative nice things - they grow businesses spectacularly.

World's Most Hated

Did a bit of crude maths earlier on this evening with an ad planner mate. We worked out that statistically - George W Bush must be the world's most hated man. There's no need to call in Millward Brown to work it out, it boils down to two factors.

1. Exposure. There's a global population of 6.5 billion. Let's say 4 billion know who he is - that's a lot of people with an opinion.

2. If you know who he is, you're entitled to an opinion on him. Let's be kind - let's say a conservative 50% think he's a prick, and 50% think he's alright. Well, he's still hated by a whopping 2 billion people.

The battle's surely for second place.

With that, I'm off for a couple of weeks. Stag weekend + more in the UK...