4 Fuks Saké

Jordan Belfort

This is Jordan Belfort. Below are two paragraphs, copied directly from a feature in the Daily Telegraph.

"As a 31-year-old multimillionaire stockbroker, Belfort once landed his helicopter on his back lawn, flying with just one eye open because he was so stoned he had double vision. He sank his 167ft motor yacht, complete with seaplane and helicopter, after overruling the captain and taking it into a Mediterranean storm."

"A pioneer in promoting office bonding activities, Belfort thought it would improve morale if staff were encouraged to have sex with each other whenever they could, even under the desks. There were mid-afternoon "coffee breaks" with a troupe of hookers in the office car park. One office junior agreed to have her hair shaved off on the trading floor in return for $5,000 for a breast job."

There is much more of this here. And they'll be a book, and a film.

A truly remarkable man.

Who's Doing Mark Penn's Timesheets?

Open PR Week every week, and they're always there. Open necked shirt, just drunk a smoothie, and then a moan about "PR needing to take its deserved seat at the top table" because they're not there. 

Meanwhile in the real world, PR is deciding who will get the world's most powerful job. Mark Penn's got to be a busy bloke. We've all got meetings to go to, but being Chairman & CEO of Burson Marsteller can't see you at home for the opening titles of Eastenders too often. If you're also the man that's running Hillary Clinton's groaning White House campaign, then client status meetings are sure to be taking a back seat too. Strumpette gives an appraisal of how Penn's doing at his job-on-the-side, so I won't bother rehashing it and pretending its my own. My point is, the PR man is in charge.

Over a pint or driving a cab, your default one sentence verdict on the US election is of course,  that Obama is all mouth and no trousers - or "all hat and and no cattle" according to Hillary. (I assume Penn wrote that). Whether the Obama rhetoric is empty or rich, The Economist put together a convincing argument for allowing vapid PR people like ourselves to get the keys. Arguing that the Presidency is constitutionally weak, it said that  "the best presidents are like magnets below a piece of paper, invisibly aligning iron filings into a new pattern of their making. Anyone can get experts to produce policy papers. The trick is to forge consensus to get those policies enacted."

My job involves persuading people to consume the products I want them to, without them really knowing. The Economist says that the US President needs the same skill set. Those skills ought to be enough to get you a meeting with a senior brand manager.   

Global 'Talkability?'

Positive word of mouth sells products. Brands and products that are talked about, shared, recommended or loved, sell. Brands and products that are ignored, fail. Marketers doodle on pads in meetings, thinking, "how do I secure positive word of mouth, or 'talkability' for my brand?"

For global marketers, there's a bigger question. How do I create positive word of mouth and fame for my global brand across different cultures, in different languages, through different media contexts?

Is it possible to create global 'talkability' for a brand or idea?

If so, how is it done?

Want to know? Click on the link and read Creating Global 'Talkability'. It's written by me.

"MySpace Is For Povo-es" says US academic

Trouble for MySpace. An academic has pointed out that the clever, rich kids are the ones migrating to Facebook, leaving MySpace to the future ranks of the US's blue collar workforce and street sweepers. Whilst Facebook is attracting smart, preppy, slick kids with a few $$$, MySpace is the home of the "geeks, freaks and queers." If Facebook is turning into the must-have site for anyone in a Ralph Lauren shirt and down (Prince William included), MySpace is sat in the rival corner in some form of curious, interesting social ghetto.

Danah Boyd, a PHD student in the US, has written a poignant blog essay based on 6 months research, which has been picked up here and here. Don't know if it's accurate or not but my gut says it is. And if it  is, this could be the make-or-break moment for MySpace and its marketing team.  If they've not got enough to worry about trying to make money out of the product without losing its 'authenticity,' now throw in this little brand issue.

When I was a kid, a guaranteed social death awaited anyone who walked through the school gates wearing a pair of low quality trainers. A pair of Buktas, Gola, Woolworth's own brand or football boots with rubber studs rather than the real screw-ins - any of those and you were walking straight in to the jaws of humiliation. Crossing cultural divides here...in Australia they'd call you a 'bogan or povo,' in the UK it would be 'gyppo,' (before your insulter was excluded).

But there's $$$ and a big opportunity for a brand in the povo-es corner of the school playground. When I got older I realised that actually the kids in the Woolworth's trainers were also listening to cool bands. They started listening to The Smiths, and then the Stone Roses and Happy Mondays and then Nirvana. And then I copied them. Actually it was quite cool to wear shit clothes - and I wanted to be one of them.

As the migration to Facebook continues - this could be fightback time for MySpace. But can the marketers create a new Nike Air or a run-of-the-mill Reebok Classic?

Hope For Wernham Hogg

If you're selling office supplies you are faced with two options. Spend your day planning your night out down Chaser's in Slough with Finchy, and wrestle with your personal insecurities. Or you could try something else.

I stumbled across the story of Staples and their Design Initiative programme on Influx. It's helped them post record sales in the first quarter of this year. Sales of Staples branded goods have boomed from 9% to 20% of total sales, with a target of 30% in mind. And they've done it with world class design, married with basic consumer insights. By sitting and watching people use their products, they've elevated design in this apparently low interest sector, and are now reaping the rewards.

People like to shred mail in the kitchens where they open their mail. So Staples designed the MailMate Shredder, a neat compact shredder that sits next to the toaster or kettle. They developed the One-Touch stapler that works its way through 20 sheets of paper in one touch. There is plenty more besides. Proof, if it was needed that big insights and big ideas, aren't just fluffy creative nice things - they grow businesses spectacularly.

World's Most Hated

Did a bit of crude maths earlier on this evening with an ad planner mate. We worked out that statistically - George W Bush must be the world's most hated man. There's no need to call in Millward Brown to work it out, it boils down to two factors.

1. Exposure. There's a global population of 6.5 billion. Let's say 4 billion know who he is - that's a lot of people with an opinion.

2. If you know who he is, you're entitled to an opinion on him. Let's be kind - let's say a conservative 50% think he's a prick, and 50% think he's alright. Well, he's still hated by a whopping 2 billion people.

The battle's surely for second place.

With that, I'm off for a couple of weeks. Stag weekend + more in the UK...